3 Steps to Creating Change

Living Resiliently requires evolving as life happens. As life changes so must we. How we change is most important. With today’s challenges, we have to seize the opportunity to create change that fits our life vision. Here are 3 steps to Creating Change.



3 Steps to Creating Change

In today’s challenges of rattled politics, abuse of power, harassment and assault, inequality, racism, and the list goes on, we are overwhelmed and need inspiration, reconciliation, answers, healing, respect, and a plan for change.

Considering that we all have our own perspective of happiness, success, peace, etc, we can all agree that in order to gain the space where we feel in harmony with the life we have to take steps to invite balance and understanding with observation and less reaction.

Taking heart and motivation, we can open up to change we then create resilience with a few tips:

Embrace Collaboration
I prefer collaboration over compromise, why? Because to me, when there is a compromise, someone loses. But, when there is collaboration, there is a joined effort to bring about a mutually desired outcome.

“I can do things you cannot, you can do things I cannot; together we can do great things.” Mother Teresa

We all have gifts and talents that we can use and share to help ourselves and others. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses is valuable in having the ability to delegate tasks that are best performed by you or another who is better suited. I am not a plumber and have no desire to be. I hire one to do the work I am not skilled or want to do.

“No one can whistle a symphony. It takes a whole orchestra to play it.” – H.E. Luccock
When I am relieved of those tasks, my time is freed up to concentrate on doing what I love, enjoy, or skilled in doing. This reduces stress and feelings of overwhelm and frustration.

Embrace Self Control
We only have control of ourselves and if you change yourself you take a step towards the changes the world needs.

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi

By first acknowledging or identifying what changes need to take place, we can implement a plan to install those changes and bring about our desired outcome.

“The great secret of getting what you want from life is to know what you want and believe you can have it.” Norman Vincent Peale

Any idea begins with a thought or an inner vision. How your vision plays out for you can be manipulated by your thoughts and beliefs. Change begins in you when you investigate your thoughts and beliefs and adjust your perspective or views to align with your outcome.

If you have been feeling out of sorts you can design more balance and harmony by BEING balanced and in harmony with your self and your life. This one step is key to bringing about the change we seek.

Embrace Living
Detach from the virtual world and get back to real life. There truly is a loneliness epidemic because we are less engaged with each other and with nature. Our world is suffering as we. Climate change and mood changes are resulting in life destruction. We are killing each other and the planet, whether you believe it or not changes are occurring. Just look at the number of school shootings.

“Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, we must take it.” Mother Teresa

If we can only take a few moments a day and get out of our heads and devices, we can get back to what is important in our lives; family, love, health, nature and what it provides, and our spirituality. Affording time to dedicate to what is important in your world bring benefits that support the balance and harmony that is highly sought after.

“There are ultimately two choices in life: to fight it or to embrace it. If you fight it you will lose – if you embrace it you become one with it and you’ll be lived.” Rasheed Ogunlaru

Tips for Better Understanding

In this episode of #ResilientLivingTV Kat shares tips on creating a better understanding of a relationship to resolve issues and eliminate confusion and frustration.


Woices App


Woices, an app that drastically improves information flow between employees and management for insights, idea sharing, feedback, and compliance reporting without fear, hesitation, or embarrassment. It revolutionizes employee engagement and participation.

Created by a woman – Sonali Siddha
Today I talk with Co-founder and COO Gunjan Siddha about Woices.



Effects of Sexual Trauma

What are the lasting effects of sexual violence? In this episode of #ResilientLivingTV we will look at the three main effects and how lives are changed forever.




When it comes to sexual violence, the bruises are on the inside -Sexual, Physical, emotional, or mental abuse can have a profound effect on your overall well-being. The trauma can even trigger clinical depression, a serious mental health disorder.


It’s normal for survivors to have feelings of sadness, unhappiness, and hopelessness. If these feelings persist for an extended period of time, it may be an indicator of depression. Depression is not a sign of weakness and it’s not something you should be expected to “snap out of.” It’s a serious mental health condition and survivors can often benefit from the help of a professional.

Symptoms include:

  • feeling hopeless about life
  • overcome by sadness
  • detached from others, including loved ones
  • trouble concentrating

My story of depression begins with 6 months of crying myself to sleep. I felt alone until finally, I realized that that was no way to continue on.

If you have symptoms of depression for more than 2 weeks, then you may want to see a doctor. Don’t let it persist. Get help.


A flashback is when the memories feel as if they are taking place in the current moment. It’s difficult to realize that it is not real. Because of someone experiencing a flashback, it is as if they are experiencing it all over again and that the person who caused the pain is present.

At first, flashbacks may seem random however, they can be triggered by something as simple as a smell or a tone of voice, how or where someone touches you.

There is help for flashbacks. Get help from a medical professional or there is brain rewiring therapy that does not involve pain. Because the trauma affects the brain and how it is wired, you can reverse it with treatment.

Until you can get help – Try these simple tips to help you through a flashback:

  • Tell yourself its a flashback – Like a bad dream. Try to return to the present.
  • Breathe – Take slow, deep breaths by placing your hand on your stomach and taking deep breaths. Fear sometimes causes us to stop breathing or take shallow breaths, so pay attention to your breathing – taking deep breaths – count to 7 as you inhale through your nose slowly then exhale through your mouth and count again to 7 until you calm down.
  • Return to the present –  Activate your 5 senses:
  • Look around you What do you see? Items, people, place?
  • What do you smell? Recognize familiar scents?
  • Listen What do you hear?
  • Try to eat or drink something – that you enjoy engaging your sense of taste.
  • Activate your sense of touch – hold something tactile or temperature cold. What does it feel like?
  • It is a good thing to identify something that comforts or makes you feel safer. A blanket, A pillow, a place.

These steps will help take your attention from the flashback and help you relax. As you practice more you will get better at it.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
PTSD is not just for the men and women of the military. It has been shown that survivors of sexual violence experience feelings of anxiety, stress, or fear.

PTSD – is an anxiety disorder resulting from a traumatic event. Survivors of any type of trauma, including sexual violence.

It is associated with extreme feelings of:

  • stress
  • fear
  • anxiety
  • nervousness
  • constantly in danger

All of which make it difficult to function in everyday life.

There are three main symptoms of PTSD:
Re-experiencing: feeling like you are reliving the event through flashbacks, dreams, or intrusive thoughts
Avoidance: intentionally or subconsciously changing your behavior to avoid scenarios associated with the event or losing interest in activities you used to enjoy
Hyper-arousal: feeling “on edge” all of the time, having difficulty sleeping, being easily startled, or prone to sudden outbursts

Again if you feel you are experiencing PTSD, get help. It is not something you want to ignore for your own peace and happiness.

Ignoring your trauma can lead to:

  • Self Harm
  • Substance abuse
  • Isolation
  • Eating Disorders
  • Sleep Disorders
  • Suicide

You can find a list of services and hotlines on my site. The link is below and also RAINN – Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network is a valuable resource to understand more about sexual violence, child and adult victims, and statistics of sexual crimes.

Effects of Fatherlessness

What are the lasting effects of sexual violence? In this episode of #ResilientLivingTV Dr, Kat Smith interviews Rick Amitin, author of “If Only I Had a Dad” as he discusses the three main effects and how lives are changed forever. See below for tips on re-parenting.


How does one go about reparenting themselves? It is a way in which I was able to relive the developmental years of my life all over again and again the love and intimacy that was lost due to the abuse and neglect I experienced.

What are parents supposed to provide for a child aside from food, shelter, and clothing?

A safe loving environment for them to develop and grow into a healthy and caring individual adult.

What were your parents like? Affectionate to each other. Argumentative, abusive, distant, strict,

Because intimacy begins at infancy, a child is picking up all sorts of examples and cues about how to behave from their environment. So if your parents argued all the time, guess what you may have a tendency to do the same as an adult because it is not only considered normal, it would seem abnormal not to.

If you went into your teen years without the affection and care that most children receive you are more likely to not feel comfortable when touched or hugged.

If you had to step up and take on adult responsibilities during your childhood, then you missed out on being a kid and may need to relive those years to fill the missing pieces that make you whole.

I had to rebuild many facets of myself:

  • womanhood
  • femininity
  • sexuality
  • relating
  • trusting
  • giving and receiving love
  • self-worth/image

I learned to love me and to give the one person closest to my heart all the love and care she needed to be healed and happy. That’s me. I had to reparent and provide for myself all that was not provided to me as a child – love, protection, care, nurturing support, encouragement, trust, respect, and more.

Once I felt I had gained all that made me whole, I was then able to give to and receive from others – love, friendship, trust, respect, honesty, inspiration.

I love the woman I have become because she has known me the longest and has kept all my secrets and motivated me to achieve my dreams.  Like the songs says – 

Everybody’s searching for a hero, people need someone to look up to. I never found anyone to fulfill my needs. A lonely place to be and so I learned o depend on me. 

And she gave me all the love I needed. 

So here are some tips to help you reparent:

  • Be kind to yourself – Treat yourself good and pamper when you can. You deserve the attention. Go to the spa or have that desert or new pair of shoes.
  • Love yourself – Tell yourself how loved and lovable you are. Open up to receive love and not block it off from those who are willing to express it towards you. Love is an energy that must flow to and from. Don’t block the blessings awaiting you.
  • Encourage and self motivate – shut off the negative internal dialogue and tell yourself you can and you will. You can accomplish your heart’s desires, you deserve to be loved and you are enough.

So learn to re-parent yourself and become your best friend, confidant, caregiver, and soul mate as you learn to develop into the emotionally rich and most loving person you can be.